Yeah, right

Just a Thought

To Emot or Not to Emot(icon)

Dear Cool Girls,

I was recently chastised for not using emoticons in a comment I made on a forum.  Can you help me understand how and why emoticons are used?

Looking forward to the lesson,

Dullard

Dear Dullard,

Please do not worry, dear.  I personally feel emoticons are WAY, WAY overused on the internet.  (Did you know Al Gore invented the internet?  Ward filled me in.)  I find it best to limit their use to express pure joy.  J Otherwise, you might be misunderstood as a real sarcastic smartass.

The following information might be helpful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nm5GDhCoMKc

Hope this helps, and Chin UP!!

June "SquarePeg" Cleaver

N-etiquette

Dear Cool Girls,

I am just beginning to Facebook for the very first time, but
do not know all the dos and don'ts. Can you help me make
this a successful and fun experience?

Facebooking Bettye


Dear Bettye,

Social media can be a very pleasant experience if you exercise
good manners just as you would anywhere else. To follow is a
video that will show you more of the "don'ts" on Facebook and
the consequences of not using good judgment. 

Thank you for calling,
Emily Post

FABULOUS AFTER 40

Today we here at Cool Girls would like to share a favorite website! It's called Fabulous After 40, and is a wealth of information via blog posts, pictures, and video's of how to look, well, FABULOUS AFTER 40!  Youthful, yet age appropriate. 

This particular Cool Girl, Martha "Jules" Stewart, agrees with 80% of their fashion advice and tips. However, I must part company with them when they insist that knit T-shirt jersey dresses are the bomb for those of us over 40. ( Not without being poured into Spanx from head-to-toe before donning one).

But why go to the store looking like this:

When with very little effort more you can look like this:

These tips and many more are available on their website, ( which even if you are a reluctant fashionista is worth a visit just to hear one of the host's say her name, which is JoJami, as in bread and "jam"). So feel free to peruse their website. Use what works for you and discard the rest. We're certain though that everyone can find a tip or two that will help them on their journey towards being a Cool Girl too! :)

http://www.fabulousafter40.com/

Keeping Up Appearances With Special Guest Commentator Hyacinth "Bucket" Bouquet...World Renowned For Her Candlelit Dinners.

 As all of the "Cool Girl" are away today living beautiful perfect lives we have asked a dear friend from across the pond to instruct our  readers on proper phone etiquette and name dropping 101. Please take special note of Mrs. "Bouquet's" telephone greeting and how she  manages to seamlessly interject her relationship to those of high social stature into the conversation. ( Relationships, which as we all know, are so important to have if we are indeed to "Keep Up Appearances"). If per chance you do not have friends or relatives in high places, no worries. Just lie. :)    Enjoy!

It's a "Good Thing"

Martha "Jules" Stewart

 

A Dinner to Die For

Dear Cool Girls.

I will be hosting my first dinner party in a few weeks. Among those guests invited, some are in their golden years, and another has had health issues in the past. I want everything to go smoothly and feel in control for the most part. However, I do have a lingering fear of, (oh how should I say this?) What if one of my guests were to pass away during dinner?. That would so ruin EVERYTHING and all of my hard work. Far-fetched I know, but could you please advise of how best to respond if this unpleasant event were to occur?

Dying to Know

Dear Dying,

Well first, it's totally unacceptable and rude to die in the middle of anyone's dinner party, and I would hope you are inviting a higher caliber guest than anyone who would commit such a social faux pas. However should such an unfortunate event take place it's important that the consummate hostess know how to respond and carry on. And I can help you with that.

The ideal circumstance would be if the deceased guest were to appear to have just fallen asleep. This will not reflect badly on you, but on your guest, who others will rightly assume has never learned the fine art of dinner party conversation and has ( aghast) fallen asleep from boredom.

Another possibility, and one I especially like because we are creating a positive from a negative, is to prop your deceased guest up against a wall. Quickly, but gently, form their fingers around a serving tray and let them serve the hors d'oeuvres or after dinner drinks. A perfect solution I think you'll agree, because you, the “hostess with the mostest”, have found a way of making all of your guests feel important and involved in the evening's festivities.

I have some lovely ideas for planning the perfect funeral as well. But, perhaps we will save those for another day.

Best of luck with your party “Dying”

It's a "Good Thing"

Martha "Jules" Stewart

Boot Wars Trivia

Guess which Cool girl is sometimes seen wearing these boots.                        

June's Got Her Boots ON!!

I always tell Wally and the Beaver to wear their rubbers when it's raining.  Here's a picture of mine.

Oh my heavens!!  Ward just told me they aren't called "rubbers" anymore!!

Team Awesome, This Is For You...Check-out Those Sexy Boots!!

 These Boots Are Made For Walking. ( And Going To War)!!

Dear Readers

As you may be aware, we "Cool Girls" are participating in an Online Survivor Quest challenge hosted by our good friend "Goliath". Part of that challenge dictates that we declare war on our opposing team, Team Awesome.

Now we "Cool Girls" would never want to declare war on other cool girls, and so have found ourselves in the midst of a dilemma. However, we have noticed that Team Awesome doesn't seem to have awesome boots, like our very COOL boots. So we've asked ourselves how truly cool can the girls of Team Awesome be without some awesome boots? 

And so it is with a much lighter heart that we now DECLARE WAR on Team Awesome for lack of very COOL boots.

It's a "Good Thing"

Martha "Jules" Stewart

Breast Cancer Awareness Month has CG Thinking about her Breasts

Dear Readers,

For a change in pace I'm sending a question out to our readers. This Cool Girl needs your help!

Cool Girls were discussing breast lifts yesterday (It's breast cancer awareness month!) and surgery is absolutely out of the question for me. I'm much too conservative with money and post surgery memories of feeling like dog crap for 10 weeks have left me surgery-shy.

So what do you think? Should I;

A)Buy an expensive push-up bra from Victoria's Secret that will position the "girls" somewhere just below my chin
B) Borrow hubby's Duct tape and create my own sort of 'breast-sling' for the "girls"

C) Reconsider surgery and go ahead and throw in a face-lift along with the breast-lift

D) Just deal with the fact that I am getting older, sling the "girls" over my shoulder and go on with life

Please post your answers in the comments section under this post. I'm eagerly awaiting your replies!

Ride on,

ChopperGal

Wardrobe Malfunction

Dear Cool Girls,

I hope you can help me.  I have a dear friend who has fallen into a wardrobe trap.  She has gained some weight and wears moomoos EVERY DAY!  It is becoming somewhat embarrassing to be seen with her in public.   What should I do?

Hopefully,

Dear Friend

Dear Dear Friend,

Seriously?  You want me to help you help a friend who wears MOOMOOS?  No one, I repeat no one should be allowed in public in a moomoo.  I would suggest you invite her to your home, pop some lite popcorn and force her to watch episodes of Leave it to Beaver.  Then she can see how real women dress for all occasions…shirt dresses and pearls.  Following the viewing, take her shopping for appropriate attire, and don’t forget the pumps and aprons!

I’m sure that will help, and chin up!

June “SquarePeg” Cleaver

Yard Saling 101

Dear Cool Girls,

With the economy in the shape it's in, and wanting to make the most of every dollar, I have begun crawling yard and tag sales in my neighborhood looking for bargains. Being new to this I was wondering if you have any tips on how I can make the most of my yard sale experience?

Thanks for any advice,
Watching Her Pennies


Dear Watching Pennies,

Yard sales have been an important part of my life since I was young and I'd be happy to share some of the things I've learned over the years that will enhance your yard sale experience and make you the queen of yard-sale bargains.

As with all things in life, position is EVERYTHING. I like to have my crew at the first sale by 3am. We mark a space off in the street in front of the house. We then pitch our tent, (complete with portable stove, Adirondack style table and chairs, provisions and camp ware for 100). I then send a staff member to the sale hosts front door to await the 9am sale time. (Perhaps you can send one of your children). If the seller happens to make an early appearance outside it is of course only good form to offer them some fresh-brewed coffee, freshly squeezed orange juice, (grown from my own orange tree's), and fresh-baked muffins.

But arriving early at the sale is only half the battle. Occasionally another savvy buyer will put me to the test, and that's when I have to use my other tried and true methods to score a sale.

A negotiating technique that seems to disarm most sellers, is to ask quite loudly, “Excuse me, but you want HOW MUCH for that piece of junk?” If that fails, a few faux cracks applied with a charcoal eye pencil to that vintage stoneware seems to do wonders in bringing about a drastic price reduction, and thus INSTANT SALE!!

Sometimes however, even stronger negotiating methods are required. Although I am proud to say that I have only had to use my stun-gun, ( so much more exciting than a glue gun), twice. Both times I'm happy to report with unqualified success. Once I had to repel another determined shopper, who would have certainly beaten me to a handsome Richard M. Nixon Vanity set. The second time? Well, my lawyers have advised me not to discuss that in detail, but I can tell you that it involved some 19th century tub tiles, and that Bob Villa learned a painful lesson that day. But that's what he gets for never showcasing my “Old House” on his silly TV show.

I hope these tips prove helpful to you Watching Pennies. If not, write back and we'll discuss using the Mr. Spock Vulcan Death Grip on your fellow buyers.


It's a Good Thing,
Martha "Jules" Stewart

 

Saying Thank You on Facebook

Dear Cool Girls,

I recently had a bridal shower and over a 100 of my closest BFFs attended! Needless to say, with life being so hectic and busy day to day, that is a lot of my valuable time wasted in writing thank you notes, not to mention the cost.
Would it be okay to take a picture of a really cute thank you card and send it to my friends all at once on facebook?

Thanks,
Melina Bride-to-be.

Dear Melina Bride-to-be,

First, I wish to congratulate you on the amazing fact that you have 100 friends. Friends who took the time to fight traffic to drive where you're registered, choose the perfect gift for you from your 55 page wishlist, stand in line and pay retail for it, drive home and wrap it, reschedule their lives to attend your shower and sit through three hours of sickening sweet cake, warm punch and those bridal games that everyone pretends to enjoy, when in fact all they had to do is take a picture of the gift, send it to you on facebook, and wish you the best!!

I hope you at least served alcohol.

Thank you for calling,
Emily Post

Bad Boys

Dear Cool Girls,

I have a problem I hope you can help me with.  I have 2 sons and they simply do not know how to behave in public.  I have tried to discipline them with time outs, grounding them from their video games and lectures.  It’s just not working.  What should I do?

Help me,

Wits End

Dear Wits,

I’m not sure exactly what you mean when you say your sons do not know how to behave in public.  What do they do?  Do they scream and cry or do they act out in other ways?  One suggestion I have is to parrot their behavior.  If they scream, you scream.  If they fart and belch, you fart and belch.  It’s always effective if you can parrot these behaviors in front of their friends.  I found this to work very well around Wally and the Beaver’s friends, all except Eddie Haskell.  He liked it.  Another suggestion is don’t let them out in public.  Might be hard to do, though.  Might even be illegal.

Hope this helps, and chin up!

June “SquarePeg” Cleaver